A father deciding he wouldn’t pay for his daughter’s wedding because his wife wasn’t invited has left the internet torn apart in a new social media post.
A man with the anonymous username u/User2000gains shared his story at Reddit‘s notorious r/AmITheA**hole forum hoping to get the opinions of many to help him decide if he made a mistake. The popular post has over 10,000 upvotes and 2,000 comments.
U/User2000gains started his story by explaining that his daughter is getting married in the fall and he agreed to pay for the wedding. He submitted the payments through his bank, which have not yet been approved, so nothing has been paid yet.
When he received the save the date cards, he noticed that his wife was not invited. The original poster (OP) divorced 15 years ago and remarried seven years later. He explained that his daughter didn’t particularly like his wife because they never got along. However, her other children adore her.
He wrote: “I called my daughter and asked her why my wife wasn’t invited. She said it was her wedding day and she only wanted to invite her real family. I I said, ‘Well, did you invite mum’s boyfriend?’ and she said yes. I said ‘okay, then you should invite my wife too, or I won’t pay for the wedding.’
“She declined and said she wasn’t inviting my wife over. I then told her I would cancel the payments, and she didn’t believe me. I canceled them and my daughter is now super pissed off at me, as does my ex-wife,” he continued.
Are you in a similar situation and are you hesitant to invite one or both of your parents’ relatives to your wedding? If they’re paying for your wedding, they should be able to add something extra, especially if it’s a serious relationship.
“Consider whether the parent is paying for part of the weddingI call these people ‘The Board’ because they invest in your marriage and as such they have power”, Elisabeth Kramer, author and day of wedding the coordinator said Brides“That doesn’t mean you have to invite someone just because someone from the Council wants you to, but that we have to take that context into account.”
However, when is it acceptable not to invite one of your parents’ relatives? Brides suggests that you be honest and compassionate when talking to your parents to discuss the seriousness of their relationship. If the relationship is just getting started and they don’t know if it’s a long-term relationship, it’s probably okay not to invite them over.
While many Reddit users agree with the OP, others argue that no one is at fault.
“[Not the a**hole]. You didn’t ask your wife to be part of the wedding party, just a guest. Your daughter has the right not to invite your wife, but then she has to pay for her wedding,” u/MaryAnne0601 received the top comment with over 10,000 upvotes.
“I feel like she’s the one denying her dad a +1. Which just seems weird,” u/ProfessionalSir9978 replied.
U/Without-Reward also asked, “Does it also seem kind of strange that her mom’s boyfriend is invited, but not her dad’s wife of 8 years?”
U/dmowad said: “[Not the a**hole]. Your daughter is downright rude. And where she has the right to decide who gets invited, you have the right to decide not to pay. Hold on and I won’t come back and agree to pay if she decides to invite your wife. She will take your money and make hell out of it for your wife. She’s not going to suddenly decide to start playing nice. Let the mother’s boyfriend pay. She obviously considers him family.”
“[Not the a**hole]. She has every right to decide who is at her wedding, but you have every right to decide whether to support your wife in this area. Especially if she doesn’t like it just because you married after her mom,” u/chill_stoner_0604 wrote.
U/Plenty_Lengthiness explained, “[Not the a**hole] – why should you, and presumably your wife, pay for something she is not invited to. That’s not how it works. If she wants to exclude your wife, she can pay for it herself.”
“[No one is the a**hole]. Your money and you can spend it however you want. Your daughter can decide who she wants at her wedding and you can decide not to pay,” u/LuckStrict6000 exclaimed.
“[No one is the a**hole]-she doesn’t have to invite your wife and you don’t have to pay or attend without your wife,” u/spaceyjaycey said.
Newsweek contacted u/User2000gains for comment.